Quitting my job, following my dreams
Hello world! Let's start at the beginning I suppose... Actually no, let's start in the future! The year is 2020, it doesn't look much different from our current reality except for one big difference- I am following my dreams, studying Costume Making!
"How did you get there? Tell us more!" I hear you all shouting, or maybe you would be if I had any followers..
For a long time I struggled with my mental health- mainly depression and anxiety. Depression tainted everything in my life so I couldn't tell what was real anymore. Do people actually all hate me or is it just my brain making it up? Am I actually a total failure or is it just a trick my mind is playing on itself? One feeling kept surfacing over the years but I would stuff it back down because nothing felt right. Depression makes everything feel like it's wrong so I couldn't trust my feelings. I felt like I was on the wrong path, going in the wrong direction.
In 2018 I finally started to feel like I was coming out of my depression in a lasting way and could see things with clarity. I felt lighter, as though I had been carrying a huge weight around for all those years. Life was good and then the feeling bobbed back up to the surface- "I'm going the wrong way. I don't want to be here". I ended up crying on the phone to a friend because I realised that the feeling wouldn't go away unless something changed. I felt trapped and hopeless because to pursue costume making would require me to give up a well paying, stable career.
I can't remember exactly what my friend said to me on the phone that day but it was a turning point. I realised that I could change, that I should change. I don't want to go through life having spent so much time in a workplace I can't wait to leave, developing skills I don't give a shit about just for the money. From that conversation over the phone a secret thought blossomed in my head- "I'm going back to study". I kept saying it to myself and over time I started to tell my friends and family which made it feel more real, like I would actually do it. I applied for courses, organised a photo shoot with a friend and spent weeks after work getting my folio together.
I got accepted into 3 courses for 2020 so now I have the ability to choose what I really want to do.
I'm still scared but I don't feel trapped anymore. The future looks glorious.
