Where the shit have I been? What happened to 2020?

Well it's been over a year since my last post... I mean I started writing other posts but due to my perfectionist tendencies and the utterly overwhelming nature of 2020 I didn't actually post any of them.

2020 was a big year! I was so happy at the start of the year as I was following my dreams and studying costume making. Even though it was a lot to take in, I just kept being so happy that I was spending the whole day making patterns and sewing. I didn't have any friends who sewed either so I was super excited to meet "my people" and make new friends.

It seems like a blip... That first part of the year when everything was bright and positive. Obviously the part of the year which overshadowed it was the lockdown. We moved house, had birthdays and studied during lockdown and damn it was HARD! My anxiety consumed me and I found it really hard to maintain those new friendships. School was overwhelming and I constantly felt like I was falling behind so I just kept working all day and into the night.

Going back onto campus was harder in a way than being alone.. My amped up anxiety coupled with a newfound germaphobia made me feel isolated even around other people. I felt like lockdown had taken a bite out of my mental health which still hasn't regrown. I constantly felt like I was failing, like I didn't know what I was doing and I couldn't do it. On some days my emotions would swirl around and around, growing bigger and bigger until I just couldn't stop crying. On those days I would end up going home, get bundled up in blankets and fed cups of tea by my husband. Now with hindsight I'm so grateful that Melbourne kept locked down and kept people safe from the virus spreading... But I still don't feel normal. I want my positivity back.

At the end of the course, despite all my fears, I was successful. I made so many beautiful and fun costumes and learnt how to make and alter patterns properly. See?!